2 min read
31 Oct

No matter how tempted I am to have a hissy fit I will refrain from doing so. I have to remind myself things can always be worse. Plus, how much of this problem is perceived and not real? Am I interpreting the "injustice" with unrealistic expectations? Doesn't most problems take two to tango? 2 Cor 9:7 says "Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver."

I use to think that was just about money. Not anymore. It covers everything! Think about it. If I've agreed to something, but I feel manipulated and I'm resentful, what good is that? 

Resentment happens when something is wrong or unjust. But if I've agreed, how is that wrong? 

I think this issue is part of why I am not a huge fan of excessive emotion. I've watched charismatic leaders use their gift to affect peoples emotions to get them to volunteer or give something they don't have yet, but will. Purposefully encourage and lead well meaning people to "trust God" and make a promise to the leaders "Campaign". And then when the show is over and the emotion gone, nothing left but the burdensome commitment, resentment multiplies exponentially.  

 A life long pattern I have is doing things to prove I am worth your time and attention. I have to get back to the motive, the reason why am I doing what I'm doing? Why am I having this conversation with so and so? How come I volunteered and does it have anything to do with trying to impress someone who isn't even here?

One definition of freedom is wanting to, and being able to, do the right thing. I'm not doing this to you, I'm doing this for me. The choices I choose are done by calculating the probability of the individuals happiness with my choice and completion of the said event. 

It gets pretty mucky when there are a lot of different people effected by the same decision. Have you ever heard the phrase you can't make all the people happy all of the time? It's true. What if my top motive is to make someone else happy but it cost me my happiness? Is it the right thing regardless if it makes me unhappy as long as the other person is happy? (As if happy is the pinnacle of existence) 

My "love walk" has been strengthened over all the shut downs this past 18 months. On a side note, a very reputable person said don't think this is going to end. It never was intended to end. This virus and all related legislation does not have an end date. It is a take over. That's when it will end. So little reprieves makes me so grateful. Like when I can visit my aunt at her assisted living facility and go shopping without a mask. 

I had a family member who squeezed me in their life sucking tentacles for most of my life. This person was really important to me. I was not only toxically codependent with them but felt it was my religious obligation to be so. Year after year my self worth was melting away. I got to the point when I was wishing death for either them or me. That's when I knew I was going to have to do something drastic... but still  legal...  lol

A healthy boundary fixed the problem but has grown concern about a new problem. Be sure no one is at odds with me. If I know someone has something against me, drop everything I'm doing and go reconcile that relationship. But what if it cost me my mental health? Not so clear cut.

Nevertheless, I bring my heart before the Lord and ask for wisdom, knowledge and understanding for each situation and individual I currently am not "doing" life with and yet we share some of the same DNA. He Is bigger and I trust that the truths of the Bible do take everything into account, including hurting myself to try to keep someone else from hurting. That's not a good thing. 

Here's hope to 2022 being a better year. Maybe we'll see a rainbow from all the rain, a butterfly from the sequestered caterpillar or maybe even a unicorn with the Lord of Heaven's Armies riding on its back to come get the bride of Christ out of this mess! LOL I know that's not theologically correct, I'm being factitious trying to connect the euphemism "it's all rainbows, butterflies and unicorns". Be blessed no matter what the evening news says. I probably love you. Well at least grateful that you spent some precious time reading my blog post. Hope you feel a little bit more informed or emotionally better for having stopped. You know you'll never get this five minutes back! Hahahahahaa 

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