Friday, July 10, 2020 Journal Post

2 min read
10 Jul

Thank you for visiting my Blog and enduring my "private thoughts". I've struggled so much with this Blog because I have a perfectionist blind spot. I've completed past Blog posts only to let them hang in mid-air as I wasn't able to "proof read" them to my satisfaction. It's like throwing the baby out with the bath water. I want, and think, I have a burden on my heart others will relate to, but I have a comma out of place or I finished a sentence with a  preposition. Therefore there's a therefore and I don't publish.

Well, that is my disclaimer. I am not going to "proof read" this post. I'm thinking and typing and thinking and typing some more and I'm publishing, so please forgive misspelled words or sentences that don't end correctly. 

If only we could truly know what is true and what is hear say. I love my son and my daughter with all my heart. If a run away truck was in a bee line toward them, I would stand in the way to save them. You don't even have to ask me, it's done. And as for as the weak in our society, the Down Syndrome and other heavy burdens some of our citizens have to bear, I'm a barrier in the way. You have to fight me to get to them. Or so I would like to think. 

I've recognized that I have been rejected. I have been demoralized and judged. It hurts. The people who were supposed to help me understand the world and my place in it were to wounded themselves to help. You can't give away what you don't have. And that has troubled me mightily. 

The greatest role in my life has been to be "Momma". First to my blood born children but also to the two I feel God gave me. I can't explain it but to say I "feel' and "care" so much for these other humans -  I would jump in front of a truck for them too. I don't know why they hold a place in my heart except to say they are awesome human beings with so much value and worth that screw anybody or anything that wants to tell them different, get through me first, jerk face.  

So now I want to talk about my bend toward politics. I know it is such a "hot topic" because it is the "shared property" we all live on. And inherently we believe our view point is the God given truth...  So what do I do when what you do is not what I would do? And I love you... 

Let me digress for a minute. I love the Harry Potters series. J.K. Rowling nailed it. What creativity! What a mind! But I didn't find this out until the kids were grown and gone. I listened to Christian Talk Shows that raised and waved red flags to stay far away from Harry Potter. I listened.

And I am glad I did because I do believe some have unfortunately fallen prey to some dark forces in this world that look for opportunity to raise their ugly heads and feel the real power of being part of this physical realm. I have experienced this to the nth degree as a child. Unprotected, undervalued by parents that didn't know any better. 

Having been victim to this "dark realm" the last thing I wanted to do as an adult mom would be to invite these "entities" to torment my children as they had a legal right to torment me. So forgive me if I was a little over zealous protecting my kids. And forgive me if I continue today to be a little over zealous with my view points, political and otherwise.  

Ephesians 6 says that our enemies are not flesh and blood. But that they use us to get at one another. I do believe the Bible and if it's in there then it is true. Think about this for a minute. Say what I think and post bothers you. So much so that you think I am your enemy. 

But I'm not, we, as human beings, are on the same team. We have a common enemy. If we would only realize that so much of what we experience is only a small minuet portion of actual reality, we would be ahead of the game.

I have to admit and I hate to understand this, but some humans do not want to be held accountable for our weaknesses and short-sightedness. It's easier to blame someone else and let my pride make excuses for why I behave the way I do. 

I have to put that aside. The bigger picture is so important you guys! The time is short and the days are evil, we have to wake up. Your puzzle piece (soul) is next to my puzzle piece (soul), otherwise I wouldn't be writing this and you wouldn't be reading it. 

We have the possibility to have peace that surpasses understanding. We have the opportunity to experience eternal life now, in the present moment. But it isn't cheap and it isn't easy. 

It requires forgiveness unearned. It requires wisdom given freely. I have to put down any pride, any "right" for life to be fair. I have to humble my heart to be grateful for any good that has happened and let go any offenses. If God doesn't let any other good thing to come my way, the mere fact that I am not going to hell is enough. 

If there is any other human being that understands what I am talking about and we can hug and cry and be so thankful for this reality, oh my gosh, heaven on earth. 

I hope a kindred spirit reads this and even if you feel the need to correct me on a point, I am open and willing to hear you. Please let me know you're there.  Hugs! 

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