Sunday, December 13, 1987 started in the blackness of night as the frozen steam off the horizon bowed to the power of the quickly rising sun. I focused more on the pain of the cold then on the beauty of day break.
Still high and drunk from all night partying with friends, I drove cautiously to my apartment to get ready for a day I was dreading.
Today was the day my mother scheduled my three year old nieces baptism at Redemption Lutheran Church. We weren't "church-goer's". But Mom said God sends babies to hell if they die and weren't baptized. So Tiffany was gonna get sprinkled for safe keeping.
Looking on from the front pew, my heart hard with judgement, my breath harsh with hangover and bloodshot eyes glaring at the scene before me. My "family", bunch of hypocrites, standing with this clueless, robed man-of-God. If he really knew my family he'd of never agreed to any of this. I felt sorry for him.
Sitting in my disgust, all of the sudden, unawares, a bright blinding light overtook the church service. The strong male voice I heard at eight years old was back! "Tracy, I love you, stop hurting yourself." "What, who are you?" I asked.
He repeated, "Tracy, I love you, stop hurting yourself." A third time... "Tracy... I love you... stop. hurting. yourself."
He sounded just like He did when I heard Him twelve years earlier. I was in the middle of a PTSD nightmare of a childhood. Unable to hold myself together anymore, I envisioned falling off the cliff of sanity into the black abyss of my abusers.
In that midnight hour, He came and said, "Hang in there, we win in the long run." His embrace held that fragile little girl together while I endured six more years of neglect and abuse.
Like a light switch flipped, the church service was back. Overwhelmed with love and a peace I didn't understand, the One Who held me together long ago, was putting me back together.
The whole chapter of Ezekiel 36 feels like a chapter right out of my life thirty plus years ago. Especially verse 26, "And I will give you a new heart and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh."
John 1:5 The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it. Jesus rescued me from the pit of despair and destruction. Jesus set my feet upon His Rock, my Heart in His Hands and His Light in my life. Now I live to love others with His Love. When I do I get to feel His Love surround me as well, as it did in my darkest days, now overcome!